haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
