I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
