smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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