One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I currently don't understand fingers.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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