Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
