there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
