I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
