i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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