just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
