Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
