she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
