Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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