It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
