I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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