I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
