Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
