Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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