apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You can't special order awesome
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
