Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
