so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
