My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
