Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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