I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
