I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
