covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
