Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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