yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
