the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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