tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Your dad touched me again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
