O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
