i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
