Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
