it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
