Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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