True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
