i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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