Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
