He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
