Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
