Pappa wants mamma naked
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
