once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
