I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
