sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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