so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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