i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
