READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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