I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
