I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
