So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
