he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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