i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
