im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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