I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
