Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
